So today marks the first day of my tenth year as Sarah Jane’s husband. It’s amazing really when you consider that the selfish, immature, unwise 22-year old version of me actually choose such an amazing person to be his life-long spouse. I wonder what good choices the hopelessly selfish, only slightly more mature, still unwise, 32 year-old me is making today? If for no other reason than because this amazing woman deserves everything, I hope I’m doing at least a few things right.

So on the occassion of our ninth anniversary (which by the way is symbolized by pottery or leather - hmmm…no comment) I present this humble list in appreciation of my wonderful wife and best friend…

Nine reasons to love this girl…

1. Sarah loves people - she believes in the potential of anyone (probably what makes her such a great teacher, friend, and mentor).
2. Sarah helps me get out of bed in the morning - ask my parents, this is not an easy task.
3. Sarah is an amazing mother - from the moment we first saw the (first) plus-sign on the pee stick, she has been making tremendous sacrifices for the sake of our children.
4. Sarah is my partner - it hardly manners what we are doing, it is so much better when we are doing it together.
5. Sarah enjoys learning - she will share with me what she is getting out of a book or seminar and get so much more out of it than I would have if I’d read it myself.
6. Sarah is a great daughter - respectful, caring, concerned, involved… she really loves her family well… in-laws too!
7. Sarah believes in God - her love for him and desire to walk in truth inspires others (especially me) to pray, love, live…
8. Sarah takes care of our home - even the parts of “home managment” that she dislikes (cooking, maybe?) she does well.
9. Sarah is funny - as much as I love to tease her by not laughing at her witty comments, she has an incredible sense of humor, even in the middle of hard times.

Unfortunately, I didn’t even get to how beautiful she is…

Happy Anniversary Sarah Jane. I love being your husband. I loveYOU.

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, at a conference and loving the learning. Conferences are generally good to me - chance to get away, reflect, eat (more than I ought), reconnect with teammates, and dream. For some reason, these last two days have been particularly nurishing and encouraging.

One seminar today was particularly satisfying. No, it was more than satisfying, it was… well, read on. The topic was “Student Culture: promoting faithful, academic subcultures.” Not exactly a title that draws you in, but something that caught me, somehow. In retrospect, I think I was summoned to this one.

The facilitator was a passionate, somewhat subversive educator who spoke as if he were about to burst - from excitement, or pent-up knowledge, or frustration - it was hard to tell. He delivered unrehearsed content as if we were preparing for a revolution. All the while, I’m writing down as much as I possibly can, keeping my head down to hide the silly grin I couldn’t remove from my face. I felt like each of us in the room was privleged to be there, to be hearing and learning what we were learning.

So, what did he say?

…I can’t tell you.

All I can say is  that the proverbial lightbulbs were causing a power surge they were illuminating so rapidly. As I’m listening to this one, incidental, 50-minute, unpolished presentation great connections were being made all over the place. I suddenly understood things - big, important things, like:

my life experiences
my frustrations
my education
my giftings
my career
my call
His Call

It was as if the clouds were breaking and those long awaited beams of sun were bursting through. It was an experience of clarity.

But I still can’t tell you what it is.

A learning moment like I experienced today must be pondered, tested, incubated, studied, prayed over, processed, “tried-on.” So, despite my temptations to make declarations and draw hasty conclusions, I decided to only post about my emotional response, gratitude, and gladness.

There is wind in my sails, there is an awareness of the Caller, there is fullness and peace in my soul. I don’t usually write so, (what’s the word?) “poetically?”- but I don’t know what else to say.

In rereading what I’ve already said, I must also confess that there is also a temptation in me to go back and soften my words in this post - to be careful not to blow an “ahHaa moment” out of proportion. But I know I shouldn’t.  In fact, at the same time as I am rereading what I’ve written, I have been twice startled by loud bursts of thunder that are shaking this dormatory. So, tonight I choose to belive that God is teaching me something special, that this was more than a simple seminar at a mid-size conference in the middle of Ohio.

I subtly recognize this experience as what we call “awakening.” I’m sorry if you’ve read all of this and are frustrated by my vagueness, but I don’t feel like I can share - or even put into words - what I’m being awakened to…

Not yet.

Metanoia,
Aaron

Here at Cedarville University at the ACSD National Conference…

Yesterday, our time at C-ville began with a pre-conference with Kelly Monroe Kullberg editor of the book “Finding God at Harvard: Spiritual Journeys of Thinking Christians” and author of “Finding God Beyond Harvard: The Quest for Veritas.” It was a decent seminar/workshop for the content it provided, but I was more struck by the words this woman used as she spoke about her God and her faith.

Have you ever spent time with someone and walked away knowing that you were in the presence of a holy person? Someone who doesn’t have to say they are a Christian, but who talks about God in such a way that there is no question that they walk with him? Yesterday I had that privlege.

When I shared with my team last night about the preconference I talked nonstop for at least 15 minutes, so I won’t even try to type a synopsis here. Instead, here are just a few of the phrases she shared that impacted me enough to write them down…

• The cross is our way of life
• A liberal education is an inferior education
• People want to live in the larger story
• There is good pluralism - a confidence in truth that allows anyone to engage the deeper questions
• I want to be an advocate for the legitimacy of those questions
• We need a robust Christian episomology
• In need of the habit of mercy
• We need to move beyond critique of the world’s abhorrations
• We have been grafted into the tree of life
• The gospel is true on the far side of complexity
• God’s voice isn’t always the loudest voice - he is a gentleman, and won’t always interrupt
• Vulnerability begets vulnerability
• Abide in the true vine

I am thankful for the opportunities I have had in life to spend time in the presence of godly people, “saints.” Their walk - and their talk - has inspired me with a vision of what it means to “abide in the true vine.”

Metanoia,
Aaron

It was a beautiful weekend in Winona Lake, Indiana.

It’s weekends like these that make me a thankful person.

Good weather.
Good friends.
Good family.
Good health.

Basic rundown… Had a short work week - only came in three days this week, but for some reason I felt more productive than in previous weeks. Friday night was relaxing as Sarah and I spent the evening catching up on our days, playing cards, and reading in bed. Saturday we spent the day with our beloved friends the Brahams and the Dunlevys. It was great. I was embarrassed to realize I haven’t seen Chad and Becca since LAST SEPTEMBER. So, it was really good to catch up. After we went home, I mowed the lawn.  For some reasons, my allergies have not bothered me yet this summer.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed.  This morning the whole family slept until 8, we got up went to worship with our church family, and enjoyed a relaxed church picnic.  Now I’m getting some things done at work while the family naps.

I’m heading off to the ACSD National Conference at Cedarville University tomorrow through Wednesday.  I’m the type of person who loves learning through conferences - back to back sessions, cheesy giveaways, handouts, powerpoints, book tables, nametags… I love it.  Haven’t been to a conference since October so I’m looking forward to it.  If I get a chance, I’ll post about some of what I’m thinking and learning while I’m there.

The other news from the weekend is that Sarah and I are looking at purchasing a minivan. It seems it’s just not going to be feasible (or legal, or advisable) to fit our whole family into our 1995 Mazda 626 going on 180,000 miles. So, we’re joining the ranks of the “mini-vaned.” We’re looking at a used one this evening that is being privately sold. I feel most incompetant as an “adult” when considering these large purchases. I just want my dad to fly in and make these decisions for me. Ugh… maturity.

Metanoia,
Aaron

120lb Challenge update…
Total (team) weight loss: 22   Personal weight loss: 7

(Despite deep temptation to do so, this post has nothing to do with my disdain for the Ohio State Buckeyes)

So, it’s Memorial Day, and wish I felt slightly more patriotic or mournful or something. But the truth is, I haven’t really taken much time today to reflect on the occassion, so I’m not going to fabricate some sortof tribute to make myself look careing and connected to my past. (Looking like I’m awesome is another temptation I’m fighting in this post.)

I did want to say that it’s been a fun, relaxing-yet-eventful 4 days in Berne, Indiana. Sarah gives an update on our family blog as well.  We butchered a steer, planted in a garden, read a bunch, played some games, visited family, spent time with the kids, mended a fence, drove to Columbus for a wedding, and stayed (mostly) on track with my diet.

The wedding was great. It was SO good to reconnect with friends Chad Dutka (who was the one getting married) and Ben Bays (who is getting married on October 4.) We got to meet Ben’s finacee, Renee, and get updated on the last two years of his life. It was encouraging to see that these friends we’ve mostly lost track of in the last 9 years are largely unchanged, still pursuing their divinely inspired dreams and living the life. Ben and Chad continue to make films as Room 101 Productions (Ben, Jeremy Bear, and I began Room 101 in college, Chad came on board during the second Jack Spade movie).  In a way, the relationships pick up where we left off, laugh together, ask  a billion questions, celebrate a major life event, and hug farewell… until the next time our paths cross.

Some selected photos of the weekend available here.

Hoping you also had a good Memorial Day weekend…  it’s officially summertime!

Metanoia,
Aaron

Q - How do you intend to break this cycle of sporadic blog posting?

A - Take a day or two off work, drive to a remote farm in the middle of Amish-dominated rural Indiana, get up early, butcher a steer, eat a nice lunch and then volunteer to “watch the kids” (both of whom are peacefully napping) while your wife and mothe-in-law head out to purchase bread flour by the ton from the local farmers market.

Q - So can readers of aaroncrabtree.com expect more regular posting in the future, or just when you are taking time off to compare your technological prowess with Amish?

A- While I’d love to promise more frequent postings, I am content with my current pace of posting “whenever I can and feel like it.” Someday, we may get internet access at our home - then all six of you will get tired of reading my musings.

Q - So what has been up with you lately, Aaron?

A - Thanks for asking. Been keeping busy that’s for sure. If I were to spend a few minutes cutting up beef while contemplating my life, I’d say the top ten most interesting things to share might be the following:

1) The Chicago Cubs
After nearly two years of not seeing the Cubbies play, I have been to two games in the first two months of the season. The first was a sweet game (win) against the Mets at Wrigley. The second was a loss to the Reds at Great American Ballpark in Cincy. The highlights of that game were Felix Pie stealing home run number 598 from Junior, and my good friend, Nate, getting into a screaming match with some other (drunk) Cubs fans.

In the 100th anniversary of the last Cubs World Championship, I’m holding on to hope that this is OUR YEAR.

2) Fish pond
My son, Theo’s, favorite thing in the world right now is FISH. He will get up from a nap, search for a book or toy with a fish on it, and bring it to you shouting “GISH, GISH, GISH!” at the top of his lungs. He will do this until you acknowledge him and say, “Yeah bud, it’s a fish.” Then he will yell, “WAHWAH, WAHDAH” repeatedly until you reply, “Fish live in water.” It was fun for the first week.

So, because I love my son, yet have a firm “no pet” policy for our home and budget, I compromised in my heart that it would be nice to clean up the garden pond in the front yard so we could get some fish to put in it. It took all day last Saturday, but we now have seven 10-cent goldfish living in a clean garden pond complete with a fountain.

3) Fed-Ex Diploma
It’s official. I received my masters degree. It’s a Master of Arts in Global Leadership (I know, sounds like a recruiting program to find the antichrist) from Fuller Seminary’s School of Intercultural Studies. Unlike most grads who receive their diploma from an University president wearing a choir robe, mine came in the mail 0n May 10th. Nonetheless, I am done.

4) Summer at Grace
We survived a crazy school year. It would easily take a thousand words to adequately summarize the 07-08 school year and all its challenges, lessons learned, and my own failures. So, I won’t try to encapsulate this year here. Suffice it to say it was up and down, a tremendous learning experience professionally and personally, and God taught me a ton about leadership and higher education. My Res Life team was nothing short of amazing - and most of them were in their position for the first year. Grace College went through a number of growing pains this year and, while I’m privledged to be a part of this institution, today I’m just glad the school year is over. Grateful to God for getting us through, thankful for my boss and teammates for their patience with me.

This summer will be spent reflecting, planning, taking time off, going to conferences, and preparing for the fall.

5) Gardening
We dug a garden a few weeks ago. No, nothing has “sprouted” yet, (too cold? too much shade? seeds too deep?) but it sure was fun being outside with the kids and having them help me dig in the dirt. We planted tomatos, zucinni, cucumbers, broccoli, carrots, and green peppers. I finally FEEL like a homeowner, for most of the past 10 months it’s just felt like an act. Thank you, Karen, for the seeds and plants. I hope I don’t kill them.

6) Dieting
Because of some changes in our department for next year (more on this here and below) I was welcoming Carlos Tellez to our team last week. The first thing Carlos says to me is that I need to start working out with him. Not the first time that someone has commented on my weight, but that’s a different story for a different posting. One thing led to another (social office) and the next thing I know six of us in Student Affairs are agreeing to diet. The goal - a combined total weight loss of 120 pounds by September 1. Personally, I am hoping to lose 24 pounds to get down to 180.

I’m learning that most people have a specific strategy or approach to dieting - e. g. weight watchers or atkins, or exercising. Basically my approach has been to eat significantly less. Not sure if it’s working, but it’s definately succeeding in making me hungry and miserable. I think about food all the time. Like even a bloody raw side of beef looks delicious to me.

Dieting pretty much sucks.

7) Expecting (not me, of course)
Not sure why I didn’t post something about this months ago, but Sarah and I are expecting our third child this fall. I guess that’s the way it goes for the third child. When a couple is pregnant for the first time they take an ad out in the paper, bake a cake, and build a monument to mark the occassion… with the third child they worry about money, start discussing more “permanent” birth control options, and forget to mention it on their blog. The photo here is of Sarah when she was pregnant with our first. I don’t think we’ve taken a photo of her yet with this one.

Seriously, we are pretty excited about this baby. I love being a daddy. This time, it’s been fun to share the anticipation with our other two children. I love the thought of another baby in our home. We believe this will complete our family.

We are very open to suggestions for boy names… we don’t know the gender yet (anticipate finding out in July). We have a sweet girls name but are struggling to find the right boy one. Also, pray for Sarah as it turns out that pregnancy isn’t a walk in the park - especially when you are pregnant and the full time mother of two preschoolers.

8. Learning
The best thing about summer and being done with your master’s degree is that I am able to read (whatever I want). I’ve mentioned that before, but I really am enjoying the chance to learn through books lately and thought that learning warrented a space in this lame top ten list. Some topics that I’ve been interested in include spiritual formation, first generation college students, leadership, systems, and world religions (don’t worry, I’m still pretty committed to orthodox Christianity).

9) Return to uncertainty
Without saying too much, there has been a small development at work that has me a bit distracted and unsure about some future stuff. Grace is hiring a dean of students, which comes as no surprise, but over the past year, I have slowly come to realize I might want that job myself someday. Beyond that, my position (which was originally hired as a one year position) will answer to the person hired as Dean. On the positive side, I have loved my job and have been told I will have it again next year (with some minor adjustments). In the midst of all the changes at our school this year, I am so grateful for a position and the opportunities I get to share life with some amazing college students in that job.

On the not-so-positive side, I don’t know who my supervisor will be this fall and exactly what I will be doing. It feels a bit like I am returning to the uncertainty I felt just over a year ago. I just need to remember: my personal desires and ambitions are secondary to what is best for others, I trust my boss to do what’s best for Grace students and our team, and in the past I’m almost always pleased by the way God works in these times of uncertainty.

Why is it always a battle between my comfort and trusting God with me and my dreams? I find myself wavering between times of panic and times of deep peace about this. I’m pretty sure God is most honored in these times of peace. With a proper perspective and my pride in check, this probably isn’t as big a deal as I can sometimes make it out to be.

10) Did I mention I spent the day cutting up a steer?
Quite the change of pace from my normal life. Maybe that’s what was needed… not only to afford me the time to post to my blog, but also to reflect on life.

Thanks for reading.

Metanoia,
Aaron

This video will probably become one of those overplayed, overemotional videos we’ll all learn to roll our eyes at, but this morning, at first view, it’s pretty inspiring.

“Touching Them All”

At the end of the year here at GC, it’s pretty cool to watch a video of college kids stepping up to do the right thing - even if it costs them something.

Metanoia,
Aaron

I’m not sure any experience has better prepared me for life - relationships, hard choices, learning, teamwork, walking with God, leadership, etc. - than being a Resident Assistant in college. And today, few things energize me more than spending time with students who are in that same role.

This weekend was the annual Spring RA Retreat. Unlike years past, I had little to do with planning and carrying out the retreat - and it may have been one of the best (pure coincidence, I’m sure). My team of RDs and ARDs was awesome and it was a great time of getting to know the newly hired RAs. They seem like a great group of students… I look forward to deepening these connections over the next year. These students will join our Residence Life staff as the RAs next school year at Grace College.

To access the 500+ photos I took over the less than 24 hours (see, I did SOMETHING), click here.

On a personal note, life has been way busy this year - not the pace I desire for life, certainly not a sustainable pace. I’m desperately seeking solitude and rest, but by most estimates, I’m not likely to find it until after graduation. Is this bad stewardship of my time and relationships, or simply a fast-paced season of life?

Metanoia,
Aaron

So, I’m sitting here with mixed emotions in anticipation of what has become a bit of a yearly tradition… drafting my fantasy baseball team. Basically, the near-holiday goes something like this…

1. A month or so prior to opening day, I contemplate dropping out of the league with a mind toward the time I’ll save, the kudos I’ll receive from my wife (and likely my friend’s wives), and dreams of how I would otherwise spend the $14 entry fee (like donating to a favorite charity, purchasing flowers for my wife, buying a relaxing CD, or - more likely - a pizza).
2. I decide to “give it one more year” knowing I would miss the 2 or 3 interactions I get to have with good friends from college over the approaching summer, and the incalculable joy of keeping up with my favorite professional sport… besides, it’s only $14.
3. A few weeks before the draft, I start thinking about how I should start researching players and draft strategies well in advance - to try to garner a leg up on my competition - a bunch of guys (with home internet access) who have the ability care about players who do not play for the Chicago Cubs. These good intentions are never realized, but it’s an important part of the tradition.
4. A few days before the draft, I start thinking about how I’m really going to embarrass myself by choosing Mitch Williams as my closer or Ricky Henderson as my speedster - like the three years I built my team around Kerry Wood and Raphael Furcal. Unfortunately, the only players I can remember from last year were the ones on my fantasy team - or the Chicago Cubs. Who’s this Hanley guy everybody is talking about? What happened to Nomar?
5. A few hours before the draft, I rush to the nearest bookstore (or in today’s case, a groccery store) to purchase a fantasy baseball magazine. Of course, I also grab a few other items so as to not appear to be “that guy” who rushes out to the store at the last minute to buy a fantasy baseball magazine. You also don’t want to be reminded of the obvious stewardship issues of spending $8 on such an item. I could have bought a pizza. Self check out was created for such purchases - and for buying feminine hygene products and underwear for your wife.
6. Ignore your family for the three hours leading up to the draft as you cram as much info as possible from the costly, nerdy, outdated magazine into your brain. The adreniline begins to course through your veins… it’s on! Seriously, who is this Hanley guy? Whatever happened to Juan Gonzales? What kind of name is Chone?
7. After some funny bantor with old friends over overseas computer problems, the brand of beer (or in my case root beer) each person is consuming, and who is going to take a chance on drafting Barry Bonds, we begin the draft.
8. Hopefully, my last ditch efforts pay off and allow me to survive the experience without any permanent bodily damage. More importantly, no more than one person will mock my lineup (that usually just happens to my friend Gornick), and I didn’t draft more than one person who retired in the offseason.
9. A few days later, I log into my fantasy baseball home page (I wish that didn’t still sound nerdy even after 7 or 8 years) and evaluate my team. Inevitably I find that despite all my work (and the $22 I could have spent on pizza) I still draft a group of players that is dominated by guys in their upper 30’s and Chicago Cubs. However, I’ll still be optimistic because the Cubs are improved this year.

So, as I write this I have less than 2 hours until the draft. I’ve barely looked at my magazine, so I’ve got some work to do. I’m hoping my wife is making pizza for dinner but I dare not request it - she’d opt for the flowers. I’m building my team off the hope that Carl Crawford (pictured) is going to have a career year, but he plays for a team now known as the Rays so I’m not holding my breath. The “Rays” sounds almost as intimidating as the “Cubs.” If you heard there was a guy named Carl who was with with the Rays, you wouldn’t envision world-class athletes, you’d envision a bunch of guys who play fantasy baseball, argue about the best continent to settle in Risk (Australia, btw), and eat too much pizza.

Did I mention that I’ve come in dead last in this league for (at least) 4 years in a row? So I guess my goal is to not suck as bad this year.

Ugh… wish me luck,
Aaron

Update:  I survived and no one made fun of me to my face.  I was too nervous to eat supper.  The draft lasted three and a half hours, so it was too late to eat said meal when it finished.  I woke up real hungry this morning.

So, I’m not the only Aaron Crabtree in the United States… there are 40 of us. BUT, I guess I’m the first one to purchase the domain.

If any of the other Aaron Crabtrees out there would like to post something, let me know

In the meantime, for the other 303 million of you who are NOT blessed with the name Aaron Crabtree, find out how many other people share your name.

This makes me ponder a little bit about the importance of names. I personally enjoy unique names and why people were named what they were. I believe I was named after some athletes in the 70s, but my own father can’t even remember. So, I choose to believe it’s a reflection of “Hammerin” Hank Aaron or the first high priest of the Hebrews.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 40 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I’d love to hear how many of you there are. Do you know the orgin of your name?

Metanoia,
Aaron Crabtree XL